All my life I've been the kid who has always striven for being perfect. I am the first born and carried the responsibility of pleasing my parents all the way into adulthood. In school, I worked hard to get the best grades so that my parents would think I was perfect. I would literally get so worked up about schoolwork or tests and the need to be perfect that I would make myself sick. For too long in my life, I tried to be perfect and make the appearance that everything was ok because that is what we tell ourselves, right? In order to be accepted by others we have to talk perfect, look perfect, and for sure don't let others see our sin because then they would know we aren't perfect.
Well, I've decided that trying to be perfect is not attainable anymore for me. I can't keep striving to be something I'm not meant to be. I want to be comfortable in my imperfections. I want to be comfortable with the fact that sometimes I talk too fast to the point that others don't understand my words. I want to be comfortable with the fact that I screw up and if someone knows that...it's ok. It isn't easy for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect. I know it is something that I will battle for a long time, but I've learned in the past few weeks that part of the healing process is learning to be ok with me.
I feel like the more that I trust in Jesus, the more I become ok with the fact that I'm not perfect. I've learned that He loves me despite my imperfections and that it is ok for other people to know that I am not perfect. Please know that this is a process that I am/will fail on, but I am working on changing this in my life. I want to be ok with the imperfect person that I am...because Jesus loves me.
Does anyone else feel like they are having to be perfect? How did you change that striving in you?
~Jenga
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